Sex club etiquette for a good first night

Every touch, kiss or closer contact needs a clear verbal yes from the person in front of you, and from their partner if they came as a couple. A yes to a drink is not a yes to a hand on the knee. A yes to the knee is not a yes to anything else. People change their minds; that is their right, and the room expects you to respect it on the spot.

Couples set their own limits, and those limits can be different for each partner. Address both people. If one says yes and the other hesitates, treat the hesitation as a no. If you are new to this kind of night out, the first swingers club visit guide covers how members usually read each other before they speak.

When you arrive, order a drink and sit for a while. Notice who is talking to whom, which couples are open to company and which are keeping to themselves. In a swingers club, an open door on a play space means curious guests may look in; a shut one means walk past. If a house host asks you to step back, do it at once. In a gentlemen's club, the stage is for watching, and the floor team tell you where chatting with a dancer is welcome.

Nobody wins points for being the loudest person in the lounge. Quiet attention reads better than a quick approach, and it gives you time to learn the house.

Short, friendly questions work: a smile, a name, a line about the music, then an open question about joining them for a drink or a dance. If the answer is no, say thanks and move on. Do not negotiate, do not ask again later in the night, and do not watch from a corner. Most rooms notice who handles a no well, and that reputation travels fast between the bar area and the play spaces.

Almost every adult club takes phones seriously. Keep yours away in the main rooms, and never raise it in a play space, by the stage or near the dressing area. No photos, no video, no screens held up to a face. If you need to answer a message, step outside or into the smoking terrace. Breaking this is the fastest way to be walked to the exit, and the only rule most houses never bend.

A shower before you leave home, fresh clothes and a light scent go a long way. Many swingers clubs have a shower cubicle near the lockers; use it between encounters. Keep breath fresh and nails short. Bring your own fresh towel if the house asks, and pack flip flops for wet floors.

Drink at a pace that lets you keep reading the room. A heavy drinker is harder to say yes to, and most hosts quietly steer them away from the floor. Water between rounds, a proper meal before the taxi, and you will enjoy the night far more.

A gentlemen's club runs on a different rhythm. Dancers perform on stage and sit with guests between sets. A few habits keep things easy:

• Tip at the stage with single notes laid on the rail, not thrown.
• Wait for the dancer to come to you before you start a conversation at a table.
• Ask about a private dance at the table, not at the stage, and settle the price before you walk to the VIP booth.
• Hands stay where the house allows; the no touch line is the dancer's call, not yours, and it changes from club to club.
• Treat waitstaff, hosts and door staff the same way you treat the performers.

If this is a first visit, the gentlemen's club first visit guide explains cover charges, tipping and how to ask about a dance.

Browse sex clubs by country and city to see what is near you. For swingers clubs, the longer city lists on this page include Las Vegas, New York, London and Prague, with smaller selections in Budapest, Chicago and Denver.

For gentlemen's clubs, New York carries the longest list, followed by Prague, London, Athens, Warsaw, Lisbon and Madrid in Europe, and Da Nang, Bangkok and Ho Chi Minh City in Asia. Prices and opening hours are not published; ask the house directly when you make contact.

• A couples guide to adult venues for partners planning a night out together.
• Erotic massage for the first time if a quieter room suits you better.
• How to book an erotic massage for the practical steps.